are you so shy because you have an std?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
