The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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