Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
