We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
