Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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