she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
