just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need a beard to bite.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
