cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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