The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just google imaged poop.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
