so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
