Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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