there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Boobs speak an international language.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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