'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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