I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
