Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
