The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she woke up with a sticky ear
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
