How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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