told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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