Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
