wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
