I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
