I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
