Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She told me I should be a condom model.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
