What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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