I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
