were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
