The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
