I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
