VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think I won the penis lottery.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
