And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
