Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
