Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
