We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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