i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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