I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
