im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
