and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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