I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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