i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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