Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
