wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
