Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
