you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
