Porn is love you can see.
I CAN MOONWALK!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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