I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
