So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
