she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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