i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
