i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
