I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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