You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
