the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
