Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
