i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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