I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Nicole vs. Life
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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