just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
